During January, when the world is focused on change, I’m evaluating my parental role in helping my children overcome sinful habits.
Do I point out areas that need improvement and then leave my kids to sort out sin issues alone? Identifying flaws is all too easy. Conquering wrong behavior is the hard work. If I desire that my children “stand mature and fully assured in all the will of God” (Col.4:12) then I have to practice defeating sin with them so that they will be equipped to do battle against sin on their own in the future.
Teaching Kids vs. Training Kids
Luke 6:40 presents an interesting difference between teaching and training. “A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher.” Did you catch it? In order for our children to fully grasp a concept we must not only teach or explain why to do something, we must also work through the progression of how it is accomplished. Training moves knowledge from a principle to practical, tangible action. When we merely explain why certain behavior is sinful we’ve only done half of the job.
Think about a recurring behavior problem you observe in your child. With that one issue in mind, let’s work through biblical ways to help them overcome it.
First, pray and determine the unique personality and circumstance of your child. According to 1 Thess. 5:14, there are a variety of ways to address sin issues. Some children need our patient endurance to slowly work through things with them, others need swift, stern rebuke, while tenderhearted kids require gentle encouragement.
Next, we need to help them gain a proper motivation for replacing wrong thoughts and wrong behavior. In his book, The Hole in Our Holiness, Kevin DeYoung cites extensive biblical motivations for pursuing godliness. Among them are: it’s for our good (Deut.12:28), because Christ gave us His example to follow (Eph.5:2), to be a more effective witness (1 Pet.:12), because sin will be judged (Heb.10:26-27), and because we desire to bring God glory (1 Cor.6:19-20). Don’t just state these reasons, read them from the Scriptures and let the sword of the Word pierce the conscience.
To probe the heart and draw out the true reasons underlying negative attitudes or behaviors, asking questions proves to be more effective than the old “lecture ‘em ’til their eyes glaze over” method. Invite your child to answer these penetrating questions (adapted from Pastor James Newcomer and his wife, Lorie) to determine which old ways need to be “put off”.
- How is pride influencing my attitude/actions in this case?
- Am I acting out of fear?
- Which aspect of this situation should cause me to be grateful?
- Have I done things I need to confess to God and others?
- Does this situation reveal ways I need to mature in the fruit of the Spirit?
- Have I neglected to stand on any of God’s promises?
- Am I failing to obey a direct command of God?
Once the sin is named and confessed, then prayerful overhaul begins. Overcoming requires subtraction of sin by the addition of God-pleasing behaviors. The specifics of what that will look like in your child’s life require the power and guidance of the Spirit. He provides creative solutions when we seek him for the answers. For instance, in accordance with Eph. 5:4 you could help a child who delights in bathroom humor by creating a daily gratitude journal with them. Rather than wait for the child to make an inappropriate joke, you can plan to enter specific praiseworthy items in their journal at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. With each entry you reinforce how God delights in our giving of thanks. The focus is diverted away from crudeness and toward worship by using a simple exercise.
The key to training kids to be overcomers is demonstration and practice. We train our kids in righteousness by showing them how the “equipment” we’ve been given for life and godliness is used in battle.
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